This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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