i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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