The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
