This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
