I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
