She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
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on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
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My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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