Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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