Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
