sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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