shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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