Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize