Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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