I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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