she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
