vagina is talking i cant
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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