I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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