Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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