Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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