she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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