my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
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