Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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