cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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