a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize