I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
