Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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