glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
