New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My ass is underappreciated
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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