I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
