he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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