Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
