im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize