Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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