I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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