The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize