I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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