check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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