I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Green mimosas i think yes
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
