My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
