omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i barfeds in our rink
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
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Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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