wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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