He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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