Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
organizing the empties. That sober.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
