Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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