I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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