guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
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i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
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Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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