I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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