Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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