i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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