My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
