Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
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Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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